I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
