I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
