Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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