I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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