Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
