We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
