i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize