dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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