so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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