so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
