70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
