I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
