The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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