She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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