Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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