a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
