This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
