Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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