no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
