you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
