I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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