sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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