so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
