First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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