dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
