I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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