you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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