tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
