mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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