We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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