he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
