Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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