Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this boner is exhausting
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
