quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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