I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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