why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Barsexuality is the new black.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
