So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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