we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
