there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
