his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
