Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
