so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
