your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
