do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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