this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
