i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
