i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
