sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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