your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
