Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
