Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize