This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
