the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize