dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
