I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I AM VODKA MAN
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
