So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
MIDGETS
????
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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