Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
