Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
