used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
