Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
