Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
