11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
