My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think a kid would responsible me up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
