the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
