He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize