I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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