I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
