I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
40s are totally the cure
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
