last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
