he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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