physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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