her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
