We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
