this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
